just know,

 i used to be so different than i am now, and ill be the first to admit it. 

i used to be stubborn, unappreciative, mean, selfish, and immature.

(those bad qualities were mostly towards family.. sorry mom and sarah)

ive never realized till now how much different i was, until i took a good look at myself.

i understand these things.. which makes it so easy for me to admit. if you know me, you know how hard it is for me to open up and let people know my real story. 

i don't know why? i never want to be pitied. i cant handle the fact of someone feeling bad for me. i really cant. so that's why i have so many secrets. 

i am the way i am for a reason, and i was the way i was for a reason.

i didnt choose to be all of those bad qualities. nobody chooses to be a bad person.

Im trying to shape myself. its possible, it is. 

"sometimes trying to be good, is just as important as being good."

I wanna be "good" i wanna be the sweet, caring, helpful child i used to be before i became a stubborn teenager. 

im trying. i am, and i know im gonna accomplish.

because if there is one person that's hard on me, its myself. 

its started once i noticed how bad my moods effected my loved ones. its like something hit me. 

i want the people i love know i love them. 

I really love everybody. I really do. 

i want everyone to know, i wanna scream it to the world!

I just want everyone to know. I'm back. Im kelli, the sweet little girl i used to be, in the newest, most improved form. :) 

I smile 90% of my day. 

i tell my mom i love her at least 10 times a day.

when im not home i try to call and tell her. and when she doesn't answer not gonna lie, i get a little heartbroken, cause she wont know that i thought about her that second.

i smile with my sister (which never used to happen, sadly) 

i love being around the fun, sweet, funny, bubbly, beautiful little angel i love calling my little sister. 

shes such a blessing.

I love my big brother, my bodyguard, my best friend.

He's played more than one role in my family, and respect has just gained rapidly for him over the years, just for that reason.

i love my mom. i tear up just thinking about her. shes the strongest soldier i have ever known. shes the one person that has made me who i am. im being serious right now, if you met her, and spent a couple seconds with her. you would literally fall in love. there's not one day that goes by that i don't think about her constantly and hope that she has a smile on her face. i will forever believe that shes the most incredible person to walk the earth, right beside Jesus.

if you ever see her, and you don't immeditly say hello.. you will regret it. she changes lives.

i could go on for days about my small incredible family. 

we fight occasionally. but what american family doesnt. 

i just want them all to know, i think about them a big portion of my day.

Thank you for taking time to read this long blog post, it means a lot. 

i know i dont share too much about myself, or what has happened in my personal life. 

but i hope this satisfies a little bit of what you wanted to hear about myself. 

NEVER be dependent.

alright, due to my lack of skills to be able to fix anything that i screw up. it definitely got the best of me tonight. pushing one little button on my phone had shut the whole network down. and in all honesty, it tore me apart. first screaming a couple of "bad" words. i found myself bawling over the stupid device.

seriously? after bawling to my family about how stupid i am to screw something up that was so simple not to touch. i did. i guess curiosity really did kill the cat. cause trust me, i sure felt like my life was over.

they all felt really bad for me? i started giving all the reason's why i was so upset that my phone had been shut down.

• How am i going to be able to get home from school?!
• what if i have an emergency and have to call someone?
• what if something comes up and someone has to call me?!
• what if i have to use my phone at school cause im stranded!
• what if i get kidnapped?!
• what if im stranded at the school for lunch and i cant call my friends?! 
• what if i need to mom and she wont answer cause she knows its not my number?!
• what if i have to research something in class?!
• what if i forget something at home and i cant call you to bring it to me?!

..after listening to myself, im thinking. what a joke. im tied to something that is so irrelevant to what is actually important in life. i get so caught up in anticipating the future, that i cant even enjoy the moment.

cause really, look at those questions. am i really gonna get kidnapped? i think not. and if so.. i have feet. cant i run? cant i scream?
i can. but do i realize i can?
nope. because of the dumb cellular that makes me so dependent on it. that i almost feel helpless without it.

this can relate to SO many life lessons. translate this to how you want. cause i have learned more about myself in these last couple minutes, more than i have almost my whole life.

a life lesson is hidden in every single thing you do. just look, and surely you'll see. i promise you. 

to leave you thinking..

well, okay. let me first state a small fact.. every night i dream of someone, and the dreams always end me with being extremely happy with the one i love. but then tragically i wake up and its nothing close to what my mind and heart crave. so you could guess that i wake up feeling quite disappointed. but hey, who wouldn't be upset that a dream isn't reality?! i'm sure more than 90% (unless its a nightmare, then count me out)
but the worst part; you know when you dream, it seems all so real, and you're so convinced that its true?
-well thats me every night.
i can honestly say, i haven't gone one night in a long long time without dreaming of being so incredibly happy with him, then waking up wanting to throw punches at the wall.

..a little while after i wake up.. with pure disappointment. i start to think.. it all had happened for a reason. and never again will i take such thing for granted.

Welcome!

Well, hey there. welcome to the first blog post.. i'm guessing the thing i should do is introduce myself. My full name is almost pretty clear, Kelli Kristen Schultz. I'm a 16 year old genius. I'm the middle child.. and to say the least... the favorite. Don't let my other siblings find out though. which I'm positive my mom says it to all of us children.. i mean, we all have to feel a little special to someone right? Ha its a little soon to talk about my personal life right now right? i mean.. we just met. This would all just be happening so fast! But here's to fill you up on the basic's. I'm pretty emotionally stable so you wont hear MUCH whining. i mean, whats the point of talking about my problems when you all clearly have your own. so i wont bore you with mine. 

All i really ask of people is their friendship, and a smile. the last thing i ever want is your pity. If there was a way to make sure none of my problems got out to anyone, i would be extremely happy. but, if you want to become closer with someone.. they have to know your past. someone once told me "be careful what you tell people, most people are interested, few actually care. " I'm not saying that I never open up to anyone, cause i do. quite often. I trust in almost everyone.. which isn't my best trait. because some people take advantage of it.. and call me gullible. you tell me a "joke" chances are i take it literal. Because i mean, your my friend! i expect you to tell me the truth! right? hahah its okay though. i enjoy being laughed at.. it puts a smile on at least someones face! i feel cheesy saying "i love putting a smile on your face, cause it puts a smile on my own!".. but its true. it REALLY is. whats more blissful then seeing someone you love, smiling from ear to ear. due to something that you did? you just made someones day. how do you feel? how do i know it made their day? if your smile makes your day. chances are, its made others.